I'm sitting down on a call 3 weeks
ago tomorrow, Monday 29th September 2014. I've had a great weekend, 150 miles
on somebody else's motorbike, 20Kms on my mountain bike, all my exercises
for my sciatica, watched my boys play rugby. All is well.
The team has just left after our
usual Monday morning meeting. I'm home alone. A quick coffee and time for that
call. Call starts, all is well.
At 1245-ish I get a bit of sharp
wind in my stomach, like really sharp. So I finish the call sharpish. I get up,
sort of, but my right leg's gone to sleep, you know that sort of pins'n'needles, numb sort of feeling that rugby friends tell wank jokes about.
I grab my phone off the table and
lie down on the floor to roll about a bit and try to release the wind feeling. "My leg's just
rolling around, …. why … er … no it's really not moving." It’s dawning on
me now, this is weird. The panic starts. Dial Kay.
"Come home I need to go to
hospital"
"What?"
"Please just come, my leg's not
working"
"Ok, I'm leaving now"
She's 30 minutes away, minimum.
My left leg, it'll only just bend.
The winds gone, at least I don't notice it anymore. My left leg isn't working.
Now I feel sick, a sort of panic sick, that deep to your sole sick. My
legs.
"Can you send an
ambulance?"
"bah blah"
"Can you send an ambulance, my
legs aren't working".
"Sir, can’t help unless…
address .. need… postcode"
"What? er EH22 3LF, Hardengreen
House"
“Name? DOB?”
“Why does she need this? Just send a
fucking ambulance!” Even my thoughts are panicking. I give her what she needs
to know.
“…..as soon as we can, 12 minutes at
the most. Just lie still. Do you want me to stay on the line with you.”
“NO! er no thank you. Thank you.”
The panic becomes normal, the tears
are new. The chest shaking, gut wrenching panic laden tears. They take over, they just come in wave after wave.
Stop breathing, what
was that?
Knock, knock."Hello!,
Hello!"
Start breathing.
"Come in, I'm here, come
in!"
"What are ee dayin' on the
flair?" the Ambulance driver asks.
"My legs, can't move my
legs" I think I sound calm.
"What's yer name?"
"FFS, I can't believe we're
doing that shit” I manage to keep to myself.
“Can’t move my legs. Please, get me
to hospital” “Right away Son, just need to get yuh up”
Kay’s car, I can hear Kay’s car.
“Please, my wife, please”
“Aw right son, aye we’re ower here
hen”
I can see her ankles, those perfect
ankles coming towards me, in her black shoes, and her black and white wrap around dress,
her hair, her green eyes coming towards my face. She holds each side of my
face. Her tears mix with mine.
“Don’t worry, we’ll be fine. What
happened? Don’t worry. Are you ok? Don’t worry” Her panic is taking over.
Suddenly I’m off the floor and
moving. She keeps hold of my hand, out the door into the Ambulance. A bit of
gas, they don’t believe I have no pain. “It helps son” I put the mask on. Her
face drops into her hands and she pirouettes away, keeps turning and looks at
me, face red, arms folded. A weak, “I’m trying to show you I’m ok” smile. I take the mask off, head flat on the
gurney, looking down my body, between my feet, I return the smile, just as the
door closes. The engine roars, the gurney shakes, my feet move, but it’s just
physics as we bounce down the drive.
I’m paralyzed.
